Vertigo
by Jules In Neverland
Summary: Beca had never felt so many bad things in her life. Broken, pain, sorrow, sadness, fear, angriness... and above them all, vertigo. Vertigo for each second passing by, pulling her and her children away for the love of her life and the mamma of their children. ONE SHOT.


**Saddest thing I've ever written, let me know what you think... just a quick one shot I had torturing me in my head, to have some relieve from a personal experience.**

It was dark at night in the Mitchells household, it was winter and Beca was woken up from time to time due to her wife's coughing. She had been with this cold for quite some days already, apparently she got it from one of the kids in her school, which wasn't uncommon. Every year those kids would give Chloe at least one cold to worry about, but this one was already lasting quite a lot, which wasn't good when their children wanted to hang out with their mamma and they had to tell them mamma was sick and couldn't get too close or she'd make them sick too.

Beca opened her eyes and turned around, stroking Chloe's cheek as the ginger tried to get some sleep, and smiled when Chloe's eyes opened. She was pale and had bags under her eyes from too many nights like that one.

"Aren't you feeling any better?" Beca asked.

"No." Chloe coughed again, violently "It seems worse." Her weak voice said.

"At least you still have a voice." Beca smiled sadly kissing her cheek "I can't believe the meds aren't working. Tell you what, tomorrow we'll go to the hospital again and get you checked up again." Chloe nodded slowly closing her eyes again, exhausted.

"I feel like crap. And I miss snuggling with my children." Chloe whispered, and Beca kept covering her face in peeks and caresses.

"You're gonna be fine." Although Beca couldn't avoid the worry that was starting to overwhelm her, but knew Chloe hated colds enough and needed some reassuring.

They fell asleep and Beca woke up a few minutes later to hard slaps against her cheeks and a sound she didn't like at all. She sat up turning the lamp on, and saw Chloe had panic written on her face and was sitting on the bed, trying desperately to breathe and only making some strangled noises.

"Chloe! God, what's wrong?" Beca frowned filled with concern cupping Chloe's face between her hands "My love, can't you breathe?" Chloe's anxiety was answering her already "Okay, don't worry and try to stay calm, I'm gonna wake the kids up and we're heading towards the hospital. I'll call Aubrey so she comes running and takes the children, and in the meantime we can leave them with some nurse, I bet they won't mind." Beca helped Chloe put a sweater, her coat, and some boots on, knowing it was really cold outside. It was already the end of the winter, but it was still really chilly. Beca put her bare feet into some boots too, and over her pajama she threw her jacket, helping Chloe sit as straight as possible as she tried to breathe down. Beca knew she had to be really quick, and wasted no time in taking the kids' best jackets and putting them and some socks and shoes on the still asleep kids.

"Where are we going mommy?" Their little ginger, Grace, asked waking up while Beca put her some shoes on. She was six years old and as beautiful as mamma Chloe.

"We're going to the hospital, mamma is feeling really poorly, okay? But don't worry" she added, seeing her daughter's worry "She will be alright, she just needs a doctor. And you're gonna be a big girl and take care of your brother while you wait with a nurse, right Gracie?"

"Okay." Grace assured with a determined nod. She was so cute most of the time, and had the same desire of helping Chloe had "I'll put Wyatt his shoes on." Beca smiled proudly.

"Perfect." Beca gave them to her and they leaned over the four year old brunet, each in their tasks. Beca ran to the car with Noah and Grace in her shoulders and put the children into the car seats "Grace please, can you put your brother's belt before yours too? I'm gonna run get mamma."

"Sure thing momma." Grace smiled. Wyatt was confused and his dark blue eyes looked at his sister sadly.

"Come on, the kids are in the car." Beca ran into the bedroom. Chloe was leaning forward sitting on the feet of the bed, a hand on her chest as she made the most horrible sounds. Beca was starting to panic too and ran to Chloe, an arm around her shaking body as she kissed her cheek "Come, I'll help you love, we'll be there in a minute." Beca wasn't the strongest, but somehow she managed to take Chloe up in her arms the same way she had held their children more than once. Chloe threw her arms around Beca's neck and her legs around her waist, and Beca put her arms under her ass and whispered reassuring words by her ear.

She drove missing more than one driving law but still good enough to avoid putting her family in danger. Chloe was starting to get bluish and she was getting anxious. Grace and Wyatt looked more scared than Beca had never seen them. They had never had reasons to be scared, their lives had always been happy and cheerful, with all the Bellas spoiling them. Beca had called Aubrey and Aubrey and Jesse, her husband, were running to the hospital too.

"Grace, unbuckle yourself and your brother, alright? I need to bring mamma inside as fast as possible, so you need to be fast, can you do that baby?" Beca told Grace as she knew the hospital was really close, she was about to reach it in less than a minute. Grace nodded and quickly unbuckled herself and Wyatt.

"What's going on?" Wyatt, less sleepy now, asked.

"Mamma's really sick. Grace and you are going to stay with some nurse for a bit, Aunt Aubrey and Uncle Jesse are already driving here as fast as they can and will be here with you any minute, alright?" Beca said as they pulled out of the car.

Beca took Chloe bride style since the woman was almost unconscious and held her trying to have her in a position that seemed less anxious so the kids wouldn't be so scared. As the four ran into the hospital –Grace pushing Wyatt to walk faster- a nurse ran to them.

"My wife can't breathe!" Beca practically yelled "Please help her." Somebody brought a gurney and Beca put her there, and her eyes widened when she realized Chloe's were closed and she wasn't making a sound anymore "Chloe. Chloe!"

"Please calm down." The nurse told her "A doctor will be here in short, and will take care of her." As in cue, a couple doctors came running.

"What do we have?" they asked running while pushing Chloe's gurney inside. Beca ran behind them after putting Grace and Wyatt up in her arms.

"She's my wife" Beca replied "Chloe Mitchell, she's thirty four, she's been coughing for a couple weeks and the doctor said it was a cold and she's been taking meds but they weren't working so we were going to come back tomorrow. But she was coughing so much tonight and then I woke up and she was having trouble breathing, so I rushed her here and now she's not breathing, for God sakes help her." Beca rambled anxiously. They took Chloe into a room with a bunch of doctors and one of the doctors stopped here.

"Your kids can't be here." She said kindly, and Beca looked at her scared children, remembering she had them "Nurse Maggie can take care of them for a bit." The said nurse smiled at them warmly. Beca nodded and put her children on the floor, kneeling in front of them.

"Alright kids, I'm gonna be with mamma, but you stay with Nurse Maggie, alright? Uncle Jesse and Aunt Aubrey will be here any minute to take you home, and I'll call them later to update them and talk to you." Beca said as calmly as possible. Both kids nodded with tears in their eyes.

"Mommy I'm scared." Wyatt said and Beca smiled cupping his cheek.

"I am too baby, but everything is going to be just fine. Come…" Beca pulled them in for a tight hug and kissed them both "Grace, don't let your brother alone honey, you're in charge. I love you both, just wait for Aubrey and Jesse, they must be almost here already."

Grace nodded intertwining her fingers with Wyatt.

"Don't worry, they will be fine." The nurse said with a smile.

"I can't help it." Beca said "Jesse and Aubrey Swanson will be here any minute, a brunet man and a blonde woman, they are our best friends and their godparents, and will take them home."

"Okay, we'll wait for them." The nurse nodded. Beca waved again at the kids and ran into the room where Chloe was. She knew she had to stay back, and stood helplessly as the doctors tried to resuscitate the love of her life.

. . .

"Becs…" Chloe's weak voice woke Beca up around noon the next day. The doctors said something about Chloe's pleura having invade the lungs and they were trying to keep it out, draining it with a tube, and trying to help her.

"I'm here love." Beca smiled at her pale wife, that lied hooked to tubes and cables, with a mask of oxygen on her face. Beca gently cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead.

"I love you." Chloe whispered.

"I love you." Beca replied, moving her mask to kiss her quickly and put it back again. For the rest of the time, she stroked her, caressed her, and whispered gentle nothingness. After a while, Chloe fell asleep and Beca squeezed her hand and caressing her cheek "I love you so much Chloe…" then, a beep sounded and before she knew what was happening, Chloe was being resuscitated again in front of her. There were many doctors suddenly there and pushed Beca to the back, and Beca stood helplessly hearing them say something about the lungs collapsing. Chloe was breathing again, but suddenly she wasn't again, and Beca had tears rolling down her cheeks "Please Chloe. Please baby just keep breathing. Keep trying." After fifteen minutes, the doctors gave up and announced Chloe's time of death. Beca was yelling and felt dying, and she ran to Chloe, shaking her and yelling at her to wake up, yelling she loved her, that she was too young and the love of her life, yelling Chloe she couldn't leave it, because Chloe was the best chef, and mamma, and wife, and best friend, and she couldn't take care of their family without her.

. . .

'Here lies Chloe Anna Mitchell. Beloved mother, wife, daughter and friend. You are forever loved and unforgettable.'

Beca had no more energy to cry, but Wyatt and Grace, snuggled between her knees as she sat on the ground of the cemetery reading the grave, wouldn't stop. Beca felt like if someone had punched her really hard with a bat. She had fainted once, and she promised herself she would be there for her children, but she was in shock and unable to take care of herself, let alone her children. It had been two days since she died, and six hours since her funeral. She could barely hear or talk, her brain was still processing it. She had cried, yelled… she felt she hadn't stopped crying until that moment.

"What am I gonna do without you? What are we gonna do alone now?" Beca voiced her deepest worries without realizing and Aubrey put an arm around her, and Jesse squeezed her leg. It had been too unexpected. Too weird, too fast… and all the fault of a stupid doctor, and now all she could see when looking forward was black, she couldn't imagine a tomorrow even if she tried so hard. She felt physical ache inside, unbearable pain and sadness, desperation and sorrow, and she felt so afraid, not knowing how tomorrow would look like. Not believing a tomorrow. And then she felt vertigo and dizziness, like some kind of panic like if she was in a rocket flying so hard and she just wanted to go back to Earth because going to the Space wasn't a good idea and she felt the panic, anxiety and fear of wanting to go out and come back to Earth and knowing she couldn't, and Beca knew she felt that way because she didn't want time to pass and put her far and far away of those amazing days with Chloe beside her. Laughing, like just four days ago, with her bright blue eyes closed, her red hair so alive, and her contagious laugh passing to their children, because of some joke Beca said.

Then, Beca had tears in her eyes too and realized her children where feeling like that and worse, because Chloe wouldn't be there to see them grow up and they didn't want to forget her, to find themselves at their graduation without their mother, to, in Wyatt's case, learn to read and write and not have her to celebrate. They felt the vertigo of seconds passing by irremediably and pulling them away from their mother. So Beca hugged them as tightly as physically possible and they looked at her, and Beca cleaned their cheeks. They seemed to understand she finally understood them.

"I will never leave you." Beca promised "I will take care of you and love you for mamma and myself, and we will keep her alive in our hearts, and I will remind you of her all the time. We will sing and dance, just like she would want, and I won't rest until you feel happy again. You don't have to be afraid because momma is here and she is gonna take the best care of you no matter what… and mamma is always going to be here too. She will watch over us and protect us and love us forever." She looked up and in silence, asked for Chloe to help her. And she could swear she felt her warmth and love again surrounding them.


End file.
